Jeff is going to be so famous. He is already well known, but I mean ooper-duper famous. Watch and see. I also predict that AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER is going to be made into a movie. It’s going to be the kind of movie that has you yelling at the screen, cursing at the characters, and pacing the floor. I did all three while reading the book! The author picks you up, and sets you down right in the story, and I couldn’t tear myself away until the very end.
Curtis has had a pretty normal life up till now, normal enough for any fourteen year old in 1979. He knows that kids are missing – being snatched up by an unknown psychopath, because nothing like that really happens to you, right? Especially in Fairbanks, where the darkest it gets this time of year would remind you of early evening anywhere else. Bad things happen in the dark… Don’t they?
You remember being fourteen… (if you don’t, you will! It all came rushing back while reading this!), sleepovers, junk food, bad jokes, farts, all of it happening with your best friend by your side… Jeff paints the awkwardness of adolescence so perfectly that I’d find myself cringing I’m remembrance of my teenage years. I’m hoping this one example can convey everything I’m trying to explain… The boys are sleeping over at Curtis’s house, and they get into an argument. For one reason or another, Todd gets way more pissed than usual and he’s just done. Eff this, I’m going home. Been there, both sides. Remember, it’s 1979, you don’t wake the ‘rents for these things. Just after Todd leaves, Curtis decides he needs to follow him. Not because he wants to apologize, or to make sure Todd makes it home OK. No. He’s going after him so he can scare the shit out of him before he makes it home! It’s not being childish. It’s not being mean. It’s being fourteen, with your best friend. Before he gets the chance to scare him, Curtis sees a car pull up and someone start talking to Todd. His mind races as he watches his best friend willingly get into a strangers car at 1:am, and drive away. While he’s trying to think of any reason that this isn’t what he knows in his heart that it is, Curtis realizes something very important… he knows who is driving that car!
That’s just the beginning of the story. Just wait until you see how tough it is for a fourteen year old to get any adult to take him seriously, and how many wrong turns he makes while trying to find the answers about what happened to his best friend. I know, I usually don’t give details like that. But A: we already know what’s happening from reading the synopsis, and B: I had to try to explain how Jeff is able to make you ride shotgun through everything that happens, experiencing everything as it happens. It’s a draining experience, so much happens and this story went places I never expected. You’ve got to read this – highest of recommendations here.
After six years and more than fifty authors, theUnholy Trinity is complete. This third installment in the DOA series offers thirty stories from the originators of splatterpunk as well as the newest voices in extreme horror.
You’ll laugh…you’ll cry…you’ll vomit
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Stories from Bentley Little -Jack Ketchum & Edward Lee – Shane Mckenzie – Wrath James White – Richard Christian Matheson – Kristopher Triana – T.M. McLean – Sean Eads & Joshua Viola – T. Fox Dunham – John Skipp – Luciano Marano – Ryan Harding – Kristopher Rufty – Daniel I. Russell – LLoyd Kaufman & Lily Hayes Kaufman – David Sandner – Betty Rocksteady – C.M. Saunders – K. Trap Jones – Hal Bodner – Adrian Ludens – C. Cameron Rossi – Alistair Rennie – Airika Sneve – Christoph Weber – Garrett Cook – Eric J. Guignard – Jeff Strand – Jaap Boekestein – John McNee
NOTCHES by Sean Eads and Joshua Viola
How do you keep track of things? A notch on your bedpost? A notch on your arm?
How do you keep track of things you have lost?
BROKEN HEARTED by T. Fox Dunham
💔 💻 The Perfect Couple. It’s not just a saying, or a wish, thanks to No More Broken Hearts, Inc. 100% perfectly compatible couples world wide – no fighting, no bullshit. What could possibly go wrong?
N WORD by Shane McKenzie
⚰️ 🛀 🤢 Calvin was a regular, horny kid. But he should have thought about that fantasy for a little while longer. No patience these days.
SKIPP’S SPLATTERPUNK ALPHABET SOUFFLE by John Skipp
I don’t normally pick anthology favorites, I try to just hit on each story.
But…SKIPP’S SPLATTERPUNK ALPHABET SOUFFLE is one that should be on everyone’s ‘Must Read’ list.
TAKEAWAY NIGHT by T.M. McLean
💩 I can barely read about emetophilia and/or coprophilia without gagging, and this was tough for a minute. But, I got a chuckle, too. 🤢
BURNT by Luciano Marano
🔥 Vicki is driven by the burn. By the beauty of it. And she just wants her world to be a beautiful place to live. “Burn wards are Satan’s art gallery“.
JUNK by Ryan Harding
🤢 🔪 ☢️ A Viral Virus ss – jam packed with cringe inducing imagery, hilariously grotesque metaphors, and hyperbole for days 😝
My Ryan Harding books look like rainbows; full of highlighted words & phrases that I never want to forget, but sadly cannot seem to slip into every day conversations.
THE PACKAGE by Kristopher Rufty
📦 We all want to do the right thing, love the neighbor and all that. But when your inner freak-tard detector starts binking red, listen to your inner voice. Call me a cunt, but I’ll still be alive!
RED byRichard Christian Matheson
I need to thank this brilliant mind that gave me “Three O’clock High”, (as well as many stories that I’ve loved, but didn’t realize who the author was 😕)
THE MACHINE by Bentley Little
If you think hard enough, you can use anything to jerk off with. But finding out that your dirty little thingamajig was made to be exactly that… it kinda takes some of the romance out of it.
BURY THEM DEEPER by David Sandner
👹 Learning that monsters are human can break your psyche as a kid.
THESE BEAUTIFUL BONES by Betty Rocksteady
💔 🔨 When your girl is coming at you with a hammer in her hand… Do not call her by the wrong name. JS
SUBJECT #270374 by C.M. SAUNDERS
🏥 🚬 🗞️ Deep thoughts & dry humor 💉 🔪
I need to pay more attention to this author.
BEER BATTERED by K. Trap Jones
Deliverence meets Bigfoot – with buddies & beer! 🍺
L’AMUSE BOUCHE by Hal Bodner
Joel considers himself a 9.5/10 on the hotness scale, Why settle for just one guy when there are so many to amuse the mouth? Besides, his dates don’t always walk away as pretty as they were going in…
PROUD PAPA byAdrian Ludens
🍼 As a parent, I can attest to watching my spawn grow up over night. There’s never enough time. The proud papa in this ss doesn’t miss a second.
CRY THE BANSHEE byC. Cameron Rossi
Add another #MichiganMadman to our list! This madman lives in the urban wilds of Detroit, Michigan – maybe we’ve already crossed paths.
TERRORSLUTS FOR ETERNITY VERSUS THE UNGODHEADS OF THE INTERDIMENSIONALS by Alistair Rennie
👾 This is a little more sci-fi than I’d normally read, but I got into the story. If you know me, that says a lot.
WE BELIEVE IN 5B by Airika Sneve
🥒 🍆 🍌 🌋 An in-house seminar in ‘Unconventional Leadership’. Why do guys go batshit overboard when they are with other ‘bros’?
TAKING ROOT by Christoph Weber
🌿🌱 It may be the end of times, but thank Christ there weren’t any zombies! The couple in this is know how to survive – by any means necessary.
WOEFUL CITY by Garrett Cook
“Leave your hope behind if you’d enter here”.
RITCHIE by Eric J. Guignard
A duel that lasts more than a lifetime will surely bring some crazy with it at some point in time. But, who’s to say WHAT is crazy?
I’D GIVE ANYTHING FOR YOU by Jack Ketchum and Edward Lee. How To Lose A Guy In Three Weeks. Sorta.
💍 💔 ‘IGAFY‘ has been published prior to this anthology, but I enjoyed reading again.⛓️ 🔒
HOSTILE by Jeff Strand
💸 🔪 I always look forward to Jeff’s sense of humor – in all it’s flavors.
“…that’s a mentally ill thing to do. That’s for somebody who drools and wears necklaces made out of body parts. I don’t wear necklaces made out of body parts, I will never wear necklaces made out of body parts, and I don’t appreciate you trying to make me feel guilty about not wearing necklaces made out of body parts.”
METAL HEAT by Jaap Boekestein
A fetish can consume your time, but when it becomes YOU… that’s trouble.
REPULSIVE GLAMOUR by John McNee
A drug. A transformation, if you’re one of the lucky ones. A very painful death if your not.
Pssst… Hey, John… ‘Degredatia’ is the best character name ever!
THE BITCH by Kristopher Triana
🔗 This is a tale of terror and revenge, (with some new and interesting forms of brutality!). It also had a couple of twisty turns that took me by surprise! I’ll definately be looking into more work from this author, The Detained is on my Must Read list now (I remember getting BODY ART, and I need to get it in que!) I had to giggle a bit when I read the author bio and learned what Kristopher Triana does for a living, when he’s not writing that is. I have two more books on my Must Read list now, too! 🗜️
* A PERSONAL NOTE TO KRISTOPHER TRIANA:
I’d be very excited to see the New & Improved Emma taken further. Her recently acquired ‘treasure’ is a story begging to be told as well!
The story of a macabre, decades-long human/monster bromance.
A relationship that will last their entire lives, through times of happiness, tragedy, love, loss, madness, and complete darkness. Gear up boys & girls – I cried buckets of tears throughout this one. Read my original review of the book HERE.
A video for “The Song of Dweller”, a heart-wrenching and gut-twisting song about DWELLER, the latest novel by Jeff Strand. Song by the mighty Trevor Strong of the Arrogant Worms. Video by the mighty Terri Garey.
I’ve completed the 2016 Goodreads Reading Challenge, and have read about 128 of 125 books… so far – (that is just the Goodreads challenge, not Shadow Girl‘s personal goal… I am far from finished!)Just try to stop me – It’s not even October yet!
I may be 36 books ahead of [the GR] schedule, but do you realize just how many books on my 2016Must Read list are not even published yet?! (not to mention my ‘don’t judge me’list or my ‘guilty pleasure’ list – No. I have no shame).
OMG, these authors are killing me!
But, I wouldn’t want to go any other way.
Big, BIG, HUGE thanks to the minds behind the mayhem.
You guys are a large & very important part of my life, and I’m lucky enough to call many of you my friends. Thank you for the journeys so far, and I can’t wait to see where we’re going next!! P, L & N ♥ ~sg
No gerbils were harmed during the writing of this book.
The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever is so bad, it could wake the dead…
What happens when three buddies decide to make an epic zombie movie with no money, no script, and a one month shooting deadline? Possibly THE WORST ZOMBIE MOVIE EVER!
Imagine the Farrelly brothers while they were growing up, and making YouTube movies. That’s how I picture Justin and his friends – brainstorming, conflicting ideas, bickering, casting, cheese fries, and the kind of teasing you can only do with your best friends.
Struggling with location issues, actor demands, and sleep deprivation, everyone’s tempers shorten, and things escalate quickly. If the movie ever does get made, it might be at the cost of their friendship!
As usual, Jeff Strand had me audibly laughing from the beginning! No, not the beginning of the story… the beginning of the book. The preface. The ‘before you read this book WARNING’. Parts of the story reminded me of IF CHINS COULD KILL: CONFESSIONS OF A B MOVIE ACTOR by Bruce Campbell. A fond remembering of the grueling schedule, agonizing FX, and Murphy’s Laws of film making – but when you’re passionate, and with your friends… it’s worth every minute!
THE GREATEST ZOMBIE MOVIE EVER will be released by Sourcebooks Fire on March 1’st, 2016. I read an advanced copy through NetGalley. Like I’ve said to you many times before – don’t let the Teens & YA classification scare you off!
Eight year old Toby Floren was on an adventure, chasing bank-robbers, and disintegrating aliens in the woods behind his house. He didn’t mean to get lost.
His parents said that monsters aren’t real, and his dad didn’t see anything when they went back to find his knife.
It was just his imagination. That’s all. Monsters aren’t real.
Toby is fifteen now, and uses the woods as a place of solace. They’re somewhere where he can be alone, get away from everything, and think. Seeing the monster scared him again now, just as much as before. But now he’s a little older, and that thing from seven years ago deserves another look…
Fifteen year old Toby found a friend when he found the creature living in the woods. A friend he calls Owen.
DWELLER is Toby and Owen’s story. It’s about a bond formed between two… souls, a friendship that lasts more than fifty years. Like any friendship, there are good times, and bad. Unlike most friendships, there is also blood, and an occasional body to deal with. To be completely honest, there are some parts that are very hard to read through. I was a weepy & snotty mess at times, but I also laughed out loud, too. And – I felt every emotion in between.
Thank you, Jeff🙂 I want to believe in monsters now. Everyone deserves an Owen in their life.
Fans (like us) are awesome people. People like Jeff make it easy for us to WANT to be awesome, though. He’s never too busy to take the time to connect with us, and he honestly loves, and appreciates the little things we do just to try and get other people as excited as we are about his books! I’ve said before thatI’d love to meet Jeff, and it would probably feel like we were just catching up with an old buddy – inappropriate humor and all! I’d loveto meet other fans, too.
If we all got together one night for a ‘#StrandFan‘get-together, I wonder if he’d come and bail us all out of jail. (oh, you know it would happen!) I bet he’d go to the station to bail us out, but somehow end up arrested with us!
I don’t know how I came across this video posted by #StrandFanChris Morey, but I had to update this review to post it! This is #fangirling to the nth degree! I love this so much, and I can’t wait to stalk the rest of Chris’s videos to see what else is hidden in there.
Yeah… I bet Chris is a guy we could go to jail with…
“Have a listen to the Dweller song and learn something about the book!”
“Dweller is a horror novel written by Jeff Strand. Jeff Strand, if you’re not familiar with him, usually writes with an excellent blend of horror and comedy and is truly a unique voice in the genre today. You’ll fall in love with his style as soon as you get your hands on your copy of Dweller.”
Greg has just killed the man he hired to kill one of his wife’s many lovers. He’s now got a dead body in his office.
Carlton, Greg’s brother, desperately needs a dead body. It’s kind of related to the lion corpse that he found in his basement. Facial. It’s not about what you’re thinking.
Well, okay, part of it is…
Carleton is playing one of his least favorite games – it’s a combination of Hide & Seek with What’s That Smell. His olfactory senses lead him to his rarely used basement, and what he gets for ‘winning’ is even less fun than the game. His bizarre discovery leads him, and his brother, on a journey of bonding, pirate treasure, and severed heads.
The inner-monologue of Jeff’s characters always has me laughing out loud. I was going to start posting my favorite line from each of his titles on their reviews, but it’s impossible. I can’t choose a favorite from my top six lines in this book alone!
But… this one’s pretty good – “Step away before thou contaminate me with thy contemptible insanity!”
Fun Facts –
¹ Yesterday I was reviewing YA books written by this author, and today I read about a guy who is thinking about murder & mayhem while going down on his wife. I see nothing wrong with this.
² I didn’t notice at the time, but now I’m seeing the similarities on the covers of the books I bought the other day… I got this book, FACIAL, and BITE SIZE by Matt Shaw…
I’m off to contemplate the hidden reasons my subconscious led me here. Maybe I just need a facial…
Elrod Mc Bugle is just trying to stay out if trouble, and survive his first year at Greenwater Junior High. Too bad LIFE keeps getting in the way.
A comedy for kids . . . and adults who were warped as kids!
This needs to be a movie. No, wait… a SERIES of movies, like the one’s based off of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, but funny 😉 (only kidding).
Movies or books – the world needs more Elrod McBugle.
Elrod McBugle is a normal kid, with a normal family, and normal friends. Things just have a tendency to get weird when he’s involved.
It’s not his fault – it’s just harmless shenanigans gone awry. Like when he does his own science project on a science project, (along with that one friend who will lick just about anything), and it becomes a delicious, money-making [mis]adventure. Or when he interviews a teacher to investigate rumours about her being an axe murderer, and gets way more information than he ever wanted.
There’s also friendship, first-love, a bully, and insane squirrels.
I’m a horror junkie – we all know this. But, I am really enjoying Jeff Strand’s young adult books! Like I’ve said before – it’s up to us to help raise the next generation of horror lovers correctly. Introduce your spawn to Jeff’s writing now, and soon the day will come…
That perfect moment…
You present your child with your original copy of Dead Clown BBQ…
…and they smile.
Henry Lambert, a self-proclaimed geek, but definitely not a wuss, sits and watches the worst You-Tube video ever produced. His dad, on the other hand, thinks the exact opposite.
Two weeks at Strongwoods Survival Camp could be a life changing experience for his son. But Harry… he has a very bad feeling about it.
This book has all the snark of Jeff Strand, without the swearing, horror, or blood. That’s because it’s one of the YA titles available from this author, but don’t let that scare you away. I recommend it to everyone, regardless of age.
His previous novel for young adults was A BAD DAY FOR VOODOO, which was called “The greatest book ever written in the entire history of human existence,” by somebody, somewhere.
I think it would have been a neat concept if this adventure were experienced by a young Andrew Mayhem! Two weeks at survival camp with his best friend Roger, and a love-at-first-sight meeting with a girl named Helen from a neighboring camp – tell me that wouldn’t be awesome!
Even in a witty YA book about some very indoorsy kids spending two weeks at a survivalist camp, the author had to throw in an emotional smack upside my head. I swear, at one point during every single book of Jeff’s that I read – I put the book down on my lap, look at my husband (sometimes with tears, sometimes just pouting), an tell him that I’ll be sending a very strongly worded e-mail to Jeff. Then he says “who’s Jeff?”, followed by our favorite tv commercial quote…“he sounds hideous.”
25 WILDERNESS SURVIVAL TIPS! are included throughout the book. Helpful hints to not just survive the deep, dark woods – but to sur-thrive!
OK, no. Not really.
25 tips to help make you less of a wuss before you die?
Yeah, let’s go with that.
I will also be using the following quote whenever I need to sound like a bad-ass, (or in any event when conversation lags for more than 37 seconds). “I killed a man just to finger-paint a picture of a duck with his blood.”
Suck-it Johnny Cash, this is WAY tougher. (Just kidding! Love me some JC ❤ )
First – A quick ‘thank you’ to Jeff Strand for a copy of Lost Homicidal Maniac: (Answers to “Shirley”). He knows I’m a huge fangirl!
This is the latest book in the Andrew Mayhem series, and now I’m worried about how long I’ll have to wait for the next one!! I might have to just reread the series to get my Mayhem fix. That is not bad news. I can’t get enough of Jeff’s perfect blend of smart-assery, sarcastic-ness, and horror!
Andrew Mayhem is a magnet for trouble, and he can’t seem to stay out of the wierd-o-sphere. Like any red-blooded American, he asks himself “How can I legally profit from this?” Hence A/R Tasks & Investigations. The ‘R’ in A/R is his hetero-life-mate, and partner in all things bizarre, Roger. The new business venture is a problem solving service based on the idea ‘If we can survive numerous encounters with psycho killers, we can handle your task’ (the official slogan is “We solve weird problems”). Perhaps it is this slogan that brought Shirley into the office. Shirley – a possible serial killer who is bat-shit crazy, and more irritating than poison ivy. Lost Homicidal Maniac: (Answers to “Shirley”) brings back some past characters, including a surprise cameo straight from the pages of another 5 star book. Don’t take my love of Jeff Strand’s humor as a sign to let your guard down. The shenanigans surround a some horrifying situations, and one totally gag-inducing scene!