This book isn’t for everyone, if you’re easily offended or closed-minded skip this, but if you like your horror stories to leave you steam rising off your skin you should grab your copy today!
This book is ONLY for the TWISTED!
MASHED is what happens when your favorite cooking show falls into The Twilight Zone! Add a pinch of sex, a dash of humor and a whole lotta horror and you’ve got a recipe for the most TWISTED Anthology out there!
The 17 Sensually Sinister Stories include –
A Woman’s Corn – Two clandestine lovers with more secrets than either of them knew, brings about a special witches brew while the devil stews. By J. Donnait
Charlies Chunky Munching Meat – A tale of obsession over a certain pink meat, gone too far. By Stephen McQuiggan
Halloween Nosh – Two old-world vampires celebrating their love during the holidays with a special feast in the dungeon. By Brandon Ketchum
Biscuit : A Love Story – A baker’s dreams destroyed by a homeless man with unnatural hungers, leads to super-natural revenge. By Grivante
Burnt Scrambled Eggs – What happens when your succubus lover stays over for breakfast? By Devon Widmer
The Disagreeable Dinner – Ever eaten a bad meal? Not like this one. Join us for this strange and hilarious case of food poisoning By Mark Daponte
Sugar – Honey is sweet, but when a potential sugar daddy turns out to be one of her high school teachers, a night of planned BDSM fun ends in a most unsavory of ways. By Darla Dimmelle
The Henry Problem – Fruit as an aphrodisiac, exorcisms for dummies? All that and more! By John Grey
Nibble, Nibble, My Wolf – It’s all the rage to reimagine fairy tales these days and this story gets it right in the most beautifully twisted and erotic way. ByJ.L. Boekestein
The Wrath of the Buttery Bastard Taters – GMO’s are out of hand. A couples romantic dinner turns into a nightmare when their frankenfood decides to eat them instead. By Alex Colvin
Sauce – When cooking lessons lead to a new fetish, narcissistic Bart, takes self-satisfaction to a new level. By Steven Carr
The Care and Feeding of your Personal Demon – Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes, asking for a little help from down below can come with a lifetime of demented and hilarious torment. By Maxine Kollar
P.A.C.D. The Kitchen of Tomorrow, Today! – Advancements in technology are often quickly perverted for sexual experimentation. Find out what happens when a couple’s cooling romance heats back up with a new kitchen appliance. By R.A. Goli
Arabica – Do you like coffee? Maybe a little too much? Here’s a tale of a woman using BDSM aversion therapy to overcome her caffeine addiction. By CobaltJade
Toilet Manners – Marital impropriety leads to the strangest meal of a man’s life after a visit to a glory hole inside a fancy french restaurant. By Eddie Generous
The Stray – Is the story of a man’s lifelong dedication to helping strays. But, what happens when one gets a little upset when he announces he is moving away. By Calypso Kane
The Old Man in the Suit – Voodoo and baked goods outside a lesbian bar during Mardi Gras. By Nicholas Paschall
I need to check out more work from all the authors included in MASHED!
While I loved just about every story here, I think that my top 5 stand-outs are… 1.) “P.A.C.D. THE KITCHEN OF TOMORROW, TODAY!” By R.A. Goli 2.) “BISCUIT: A LOVE STORY” By Grivante 3.) “THE CARE & FEEDING OF YOUR PERSONAL DEMON” By Maxine Kollar 4.) “THE STRAY” By Calypso Kane And #5 is a tie between “SAUCE” By Steve Carr, and “THE DISAGREEABLE DINNER” By Mark Daponte
*Warning* This story may contain graphic materials that not everyone finds suitable.
Ember Oaks is not your typical asylum and these are not your typical stories. Within these walls are deep dark secrets that give the entire building it’s depth. Each patient tells their chilling and terrifying stories about how they ended up at Ember Oaks. These stories will have your mind twisted sideways as they keep you up at night.
I love asylum stories, but there aren’t many out there that are worth picking up. And I’ve picked up a lot of ’em. A lot. That makes the really good ones stand out even more though, and I’m happy that I can add TWISTED SIDEWAYS to that invisible list in my head!
I was excited right from rip when I realized it’s a collection of short stories, encased in one. The author, Allisha McAdoo, walks us through Ember Oaks, and introduces us to some of the asylum’s more interesting residents. We learn their stories, and find out how they came to permanently reside in this seventh circle of Hell. (But it has nice curtains!)
Some of these stories are sick! They’re ALL twisted. And TWISTED SIDEWAYS is definitely worth reading. Grab a copy, you won’t be disappointed. Plus it’s hot off the presses, you can brag that you read it before all your friends! (pssst…hey… it’s free today – grab your copy today!) If you miss the sale, the book is available on KU – bonus points! +5 additional bonus points ‘cuz I love saying McAdoo! 😜
Mr. Harrigan’s Phone has a lot to it for a short story.
It’s told to us by Craig, beginning when he was nine years old, ending when he’s in his college years, and is focused on the big events that revolved around his elderly neighbor, and friend, Mr. Harrigan.
Read this with a box of tissues handy, just in case.
‘The waiting is the hardest part’ The Life of Chuck is told in reverse – but don’t worry…this isn’t Memento – it’s a great story that shines light on the good parts of being alive.
I feel in love with Chuck during his midlife years. You might fall in his beginning, or end, but let me assure you – you will trip.
And, man…that cat can dance!
‘No one provokes me with impunity.’ If It Bleeds is a sister story to The Outsider, (and the Bill Hodges trilogy).
Holly has come into her own, and has become quite the little bad ass. This is her first ‘solo outing’, and she sure took care of this story! I hope there is more of her in the future.
I also think I need to re-read The Outsider.
Rat centers on a writer who needs to prove to himself that he can get the novel that’s inside of him – out. (It’s something that hasn’t worked too good for him in the past).
With a little help from some southern NyQuil, a half-dead snarky rat, and a fever dream, the words pour out of his soul. Those words aren’t free though… is the cost worth it?
I love this one. I put the book down because I really started to think about the different people… Maybe I’m a bit more twisted than some, cuz I think I’d like to sit and people-watch at this point, too
I never thought about how this could be a viable source of income for certain individuals, or how fucked up it is when you think about it for more than a minute!
The mental torture that they must endure… wow …
I feel like I’ve read this one before, but not sure when or where.
*(Update: it was in the first volume of the D.O.A. Extreme Horror Anthology)
It made me feel claustrophobic.
It’s funny how most people, myself included, value the lives of animals over most humans.
Hmmm. I suppose that kids don’t really understand how wrong certain things are – but most kids don’t have these feelings, do they? I’m not sure.
Good story telling got me in the right head space, but I still don’t know if he’s just a very lonely & confused little boy, or something much darker.
Not sure what to make of this yet. I have to chew on it for a bit longer.
Angie, not exactly ‘boys will be boys’ material, is it?
Judy, think a little harder and/or longer when it comes to your mom, huh?
And, well, Courtney… If vibrators killed spiders, we wouldn’t need men at all now would we?
I wonder… If ‘Death’ wanted to find/have/keep love, could s/he?
It’s a heartbreaking thought, so an existential crisis might be a lighter topic to dwell on.
* I especially like the “self-inflicted stupidity” sentence 😉
Bypass my squeamishness you say… 😶
X SKIPPING Y:
Best beginning sentence ever.
Ishmael can suck it!
Well. That was disturbing.
THE BLUE SCHNOOKLYBOB:
I’m not going to try to play the scholar, and say that this story’s ‘symbolism is clearly a statement about the blah blah & bullshit in today’s society…’
And, honestly, I’m usually not into sci-fi, but I enjoyed this short.
I’m still giggling about how we, as humans, have better profanity, and our bitching is top notch!
BTW – I want a schnooklybob. A pink one, not a blue one.
TASTELESS: WARNING: “THERE IS NO SAFE-WORD”. RE-READ THE INTRODUCTION TO THIS BOOK. KNOW THE DEFINITION OF TRANSGRESSIVE HORROR. READ THE #RULES. THEN READ THE FORWARNING BEFORE THIS STORY.
A review? I just can’t.
I needed to nope out at the second page, but I forced myself to read every word, with tears streaming down my face. Why? Because I used to know a woman who’s story is quite similar. The woman was not involved, the man was the birth father, and the infant (don’t judge me) thankfully did not survive. Like the author states in the forewarning, the physical logistics were too much for me to even try to comprehend.
I read it for Nevaeh.
* The reality of addiction is darker than any fiction. * “Drinking and drugging provide the height of human experience. It’s the promise of heaven on earth, but the hell that follows is a constant hunger, a cold emptiness.”
Before I read even one story in this ‘reality horror’ anthology – Mark Matthews had me crying so hard that I could barely see. He presents an addiction anthology with compassion, casting no aspersions.
I wan’t to meet Mark Matthews, and give him the tightest hug ever.
“Imagine yourself drowning and being told not to swim to the surface for air.
Obsessions should be so mild.”
I’ll have my full review posted soon – I was going over my notes for this review, and I’m ’emotional’ again…
This was so much fun to read! And – you could feel that everyone was having fun while putting this book together, that shines through. As for the winners… I tended to agree with the other judges, for the most part – I’m not going to say which stories, or authors that I voted for – you should read this collection, and make up your own mind!
* originally published for the 2013 Holiday Horror Binge & Purge event on DECEMBER 29, 2013
I’ve completed my [Goodreads] ˙·٠•●♥ 2013 Reading Challenge ♥●•٠·˙– (ahead of schedule, and beyond my personal goal – go, me!) But, I’m still sitting here wishing I had read so much more! I need more time! More hours in the day, more days in the week… UGH! It’s so frustrating! I started reading titles from StrangeHouse Books in 2013, and I wish I could say that I’m ending this year all caught up, that I’ve devoured them all quicker than aCannibal in Fat Camp!::sigh:: That, however, is not the case. But, it gives me a goal for 2014!!
“This collection of 9 twisted tales of Christmas horror brings together weirdo literary talent from around the world, all with the sole purpose of turning the most sacred of holidays on its head, and making sweet, sweet love to its defenseless ear holes!”
“Join SHB ring leader Kevin Strange, as well as StrangeHouse anthology alumni Rich Bottles Jr., Jesse Wheeler, KM Tepe, and newcomers like Lindsey Goddard and MP Johnson on this sometimes magical, always fucked up journey to the north pole. We promise you’ll never look at Christmas the same way ever again!”
For last year’s‘HOLIDAY HORROR BINGE & PURGE’event, my main Holiday book to read, and review, wasA HACKED-UP HOLIDAY MASSACRE. (It turned out to be a book of all holidays, not just Christmas, but ‘Irreverent Merriment, Diabolical Debauchery, and Gory Good Times‘ were had by all!!)This year, I started earlier and got to fit in many more books from my holiday horror wish list. Two of this year’s reads are fighting for the top spot on my Happy List – A Very StrangeHouse Christmasis one of the two.
Kafka’s Run byBilly Tea: The Kafka’s are Gift Heads & they’re in the run. Gift Heads are a slave race to the fat man. Raised in prison camps, tended to by elves, and eventually beheaded when they reach maturity. Their severed gift-heads are offered as sacrifice to appease the tiny Earth Gods. Fantastic story.
Do Not Buyby MP Johnson: A ‘Tickle This’ kind of story! Quick, gross, and wonderful!
The Unlistedby Jesse Wheeler: YOU WANT NAUGHTY? You got it with this story! Sex, debauchery, violence, & more!
Things in here had me cracking up (in between a gag, or a cringe) – one hilarious fact about these elves… they shit the cookie dough that Mrs. Claus bakes for Santa. When TSHTF, there’s a line about an elf who got so scared “he nearly nogged his pants”!! (It makes perfect sense that they pee egg nog, if they shit dough, right?!) WARM & FRESH!
Dear Santa Clausby K.M. Tepe: A letter to Santa from the Naughty K.M. Tepe – If I were the fat man, I’d make sure every item on that list was specially delivered with added bows made of cash…
*Message for K.M. Tepe: Ever since I opened up my very first MySpace account, I’ve used the same line in the About Me section of practically every account – still using it today. After reading your bio in the back of this book, I just wanted to make a note of it just in case you see it yourself somewhere. There’s no “This town ain’t big enough fir the both of us” reasoning or mentality behind this note – It’s more like a brunch invitation! If you’re ever in Detroit, look me up… we can hang out in the alley behind Poetry Slam, guzzling coffee, and poking the corpse of Wino Willie!
Blood On The Highwayby Lindsey Goddard: The anguish of a mother’s loss is not bound by species. A woman, her husband, and his brother are driving through a terrible storm, on they’re way for what was supposed to be a relaxing holiday. This is a very good SS! I’m hoping that Lindsey sees this and can recommend a better pic – one that looks like the inside of her brain!
Kathi the Sexy Elfby Rich Bottles Jr.: A department store Santa, who is following in his dad’s footprints as the jolly fat man for the same store, decides to do something remarkably sweet for his ‘Helper’ this year. The helper, Kathi, makes a very sexy elf, and she has some surprises of her own in store for Santa… I can’t wait to read some of the stories in Rich’s ‘humorrorotica‘ genre! Some links are provided at the bottom.
Christmas with the Familyby Jonathan Byrd: This one should be called“A FUCKED UP FAMILY CHRISTMAS”. Other Jonathan Byrd titles on Amazon include – BIG, The Jar, UNSHACKLED, and The Mommies Club. But, after reading this short, I’m not entirely convinced that it’s the same guy!! 🙂
The Witch who Fucked Christmasby Kevin Strange: This story is a tie in to one of Kev’s movies, but it stands alone just fine. Set in STRANGEVILLE, ILLINOIS, a worn out & broke down Santa is about to go head to head with The Hag of Horrors herself – Sasparilla, The Weed Witch. The victor will hold the bag that contains all the magic of Christmas. But, you can’t expect the Hag of Horrors to play fair… can you? Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas YouTube trailer Hack Films / Kevin Strange on YouTube
I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsdayby Mike Lombardo: Save the best for last, Kev? Yeah. I’m going to get this review posted, then go slit my wrists. xxoo ♥
After Notes, Links, & Other Randomly Strange[House] Fun
I’ve been adding and updating this section since the original post, and I’m still not finished. I would like to include as much info as possible for each author that is/was involved with SHB while the books below were published. This section will eventually become a StrangeHouse Spotlight Page **If YOU are one of those authors, please – contact me! I’d like to post any info/links that you would like fans to know about!!***
VOYEURISM, in 140 characters or less – @_StrangeHouse @kevinthestrange @freaktension @BillyTea_AMDAD @tusitalabruni @SFerrariFOS
Other Books from Rich Bottles Jr. ‘LUMBERJACKED‘ “[…] makes Deliverance look like a family raft trip down the Lower Gauley” ‘Hellhole West Virginia‘ “Eco-friendly vampires, beach-yearning zombies and sex-starved she-devils.” ‘The Manacled‘ “What happens when twin brothers lease out the former West Virginia State Penitentiary with the false purpose of filming a documentary on supernatural phenomena, but their true intention is to make a pornographic movie? Chaos ensues as the disturbed spirits of murdered convicts, along with the reanimated dead from the neighboring Indian Burial Mound, take their vengeance on the unwary and undressed trespassers. Zombies, ghosts, mobsters and porn collide in this bizarro tale from horror author Rich Bottles Jr.” *I HAVE TO GET THIS BOOK!* (Update – Rich sent me a copy of this, along with some awesome author swag! Thanks, Rich!!)
Check out ‘Gross-Out Author’ Jesse Wheeler’sDinner at the Vomitropolis –I have this, but haven’t had the nerve to start reading it yet.
Visit the official website of Mike Lombardo’sReel Splatter Productions! They’re a small independent horror-comedy troupe based out of Lancaster, Pennsylvania whose goal is to prove artistic expression can involve necrophilia & chainsaws! Visit RSP now, and see some horrible monstrosities commit unspeakable acts! YAY!!
Writer/Director/FX Artist and author of this book’s SS titled‘I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY‘– Mike “Dr.Chud” Lombardo just released‘THE STALL‘on DVD and it is ready to ship! It’s the story of a young pizza shop employee whi finds himself trapped in a public restroom during the Lovecraftian apocalypse. The DVD contains buckets of exclusive bloody extras that aren’t available on YouTube.
‘I made this place and filled it with all these monsters…’
Hoo-Doo County is a fictional high mountain county horror author Jonathan Moon uses often as a setting for his dark and beautiful stories. Containing both new stories and rewritten classics from Mr. Moon this is the first collection of shorts in the series. This set includes the stories The Full Moon Express, Roadside Crosses, Witch Hunt Sunrise, and Parched. Also, includes a small chapter about the stories from Mr. Moon himself.
I’ve gotten used to visiting fictional towns like Walker’s Woods, and Castle Rock, but I wasn’t prepared to enter Hoo-Doo County. In the synopsis, the author says “I made this place and filled it with all these monsters…”, and I knew it was a place I had to visit.
The four tales in this anthology are The Full Moon Express, Witch Hunt Sunrise, Roadside Crosses, and Parched. Werewolves, witches, ghosts, vampires all lurk in Hoo-Doo County – and they’re waiting for you to come and visit.
As soon as I finished, I immediately dove into Hoo-Doo County Horrors Volume 2, (review to come). I just found out that there is a Volume 3 ready and waiting for me, and I’ve been due for another vacation…
This is the perfect collection!
SMILE, BURIED, THE 8th, THE CABIN, HAPPY EVER AFTER, and the never before seen short – THE WARD.
Each one a 5 Star story, and each one a different flavor of horror.
When you finish this, you’ll be emotionally drained… loosing your little brother at the mall and feeling the dread that Alex feels, waking up and realizing you might be buried alive and trying not to panic, getting relentlessly bullied at school until you finally SNAP, being terrorized by an unseen enemy… all these emotions only scratch the surface! I’m not mentioning the points where I had sudden allergy attacks & my eyes started watering!
Rounding things up is the voyeuristic view of Peter & Vanessa in HEA – a love story like no other, and finally…
‘The Ward’ which drags you through seven layers of emotional trauma!
If you’ve never read anything by Matt Shaw – this is the perfect book to start with.
If you’re a lifelong fan – it’s a ‘must have’ for your collection.
The introduction is brilliant, and the cover is one of the best.
I wish I could rate this higher!
The Amazon page says…
*Over 700 pages of horror stories – catering to the many varied tastes of horror – from Matt Shaw*
This book is a collection of Matt Shaw’s most popular horror stories including a new introduction and a previously unreleased short story. Please see below for the contents:
Alex’s mum was tired and over-worked. Holding down a full-time job, keeping the house clean and looking after the children – the youngest of which was still a handful with his ADHD as they tried to get the medication right – she just wanted a break. Even if it were only for an afternoon – so she sent Alex to the shopping mall, with his younger brother who was throwing a tantrum because he wanted to go to the toy store to spend his pocket money. She never once thought Alex would lose his younger brother in the crowds.
And no one would have guessed how the day would have ended or just how many more children were missing.
I’ve stopped panicking now. Not because I’m not scared. I just know panicking won’t help the situation. It’ll only serve to make it worse. Need to try and remain calm for as long as possible. Control my breathing. Save my oxygen. I breathed in and coughed. The air in here is stale. I hope I’m not in here for long. Please, dad. Don’t let me be here for long. Please. I started to cry. Helpless.
Moving from school to school is never easy. You’re constantly struggling to catch up to the level of the other students. You’re forever meeting new friends just to have to leave them and establish new colleagues at the new schools. You always find yourself lost in the never-ending maze of corridors as you battle to get to grips with where everything is…
But it’s worse when the more unfriendly students decide to take an instant dislike to you. Tormenting you each day…Pushing you to see how long it is before you’re going to snap. Wondering what you’re going to do in retaliation to their harsh words and cruel pranks. Are you going to stand up to them or are you going to be yet another pupil who goes out of their way to avoid them whilst crying yourself to sleep until you feel as though you can’t take the suffering anymore?
You’re going to stand up to them of course. You’re going to turn the tables on them. You’re going to be the teacher to a very special class. A class where the lessons will be heard through-out the world…Lessons which will never be forgotten.
This is your classroom now and lessons will be learned.
“You’d never see the ghosts, not properly. You’d only catch a glimpse of their shapes out of the corner of your eye and you’d hear their stolen, vengeful scream; an ear-piercing shriek to steal the lives of anyone who heard it.”
For Craig, the trip to the cabin was supposed to be a quiet retreat from his hectic city life where he could concentrate on writing his latest novel. For his wife, Susan, and his two kids, Jamie and Ava, it was supposed to be a weekend vacation.
For all of them, it became a nightmare.
Happy Ever After
If it’s just you and me, together, for the rest of our lives – no-one else to mess things up… could you ever love me?
Peter loves Vanessa. He loves her a lot and is looking forward to starting a nice life with her, and only her. No one else to get in the way and mess up their beautiful relationship. He’ll do anything for her. Absolutely anything to make her happy. Anything to see that beautiful smile of hers. Anything to live happily ever after with her.
The only problem is – Vanessa doesn’t know Peter and, more importantly, understand why she is cuffed to the dining room table.
Told through the eyes of the two people living the story, follow Peter as he keeps Vanessa prisoner hoping that she will fall in love with him and follow Vanessa as she desperately looks for a way out of this hell.